My day tomorrow is the perfect example of the fine line we tread between ourselves as adults and ourselves as parents. I'm sure you can relate. The mini man of the house is a bit of a Wiggles fan, OK slight under exaggeration, he's a Wiggles aficionado so as a special treat for him and Miss COTU I've managed to snaffle some hot potato tickets and we will be kicking back and taking in the show. I will be leaving the venue to hook up with my main man so I can surprise him with a nice hotel room and tickets to U2. It is himselfs' birthday on Friday so I took the opportunity to treat him and give us some alone time, well as alone as you can be in a stadium full of U2 fans, it's the thought that counts right?
This year has been a roller coaster for us as a couple and as parents, we've been so focused on our role as parents and meeting our childrens' needs that our needs as a couple have become secondary. There has been a slow disconnect as we've struggled to expend the emotional energy as primary caregivers for our children. When the day ends and the crisis is postponed for another day, exhaustion, both mental and physical sets in and once again you rely on the existing bond to carry you through.
Eventually though just as we slough our skin and change our identity through our experiences we need to refresh and renew our relationship as a couple not just as co-parents. Sometimes we acknowledge why we fell in love originally and infuse that attraction with a new energy to enable your relationship to grow and enrich your life.
So once again we'll flip from parents to lovers and the challenge will be to leave the parenting behind and recognise each other as friends and lovers.
Time to fall in love all over again.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
A Change in Perspective
I received a phone call this afternoon which brought some lovely news. My gorgeous niece was elected Vice Captain of her primary school, this was on top of her receiving a credit in a University sponsored competition and a Merit Award for Outstanding Effort in English. Yes that would be a proud Aunty vibe you're picking up on, very perceptive :) As proud as I am of my gorgeous niece this post is actually about the woman who birthed and is doing a magnificent job of raising a strong, proud, confident daughter - my sister.
Growing up my sister and I had a fairly adversarial relationship, in fact her first day home from hospital I bit her. Not exactly a kodak family moment but that pretty much set the tone for the next few decades. We are very much the opposite ends of the family gene pool, she is as cautious as I am reckless, she is unthinkingly giving whilst I am a closed book, she was the good daughter whilst I was the wild child, I left home at 17 whilst she still goes home for holidays. I think it's fair that our relationship was a duty one and we had very little to do with each other voluntarily once we became adults.
In hindsight she did try and reach out to me when my train wreck of a marriage ended but I was too emotionally exhausted to even realise. We floated along for the next few years and then when the midgets were born we started to tentatively explore a relationship as adults. It smouldered until we both got on Facebook. Funnily enough we could keep in contact a lot more easily and we both got a sense of who the other was and I have to say that I have done her a serious disservice for all these years because as a person she's pretty spectacular.
The very things that annoyed me as we were growing up are the qualities I now admire in her. She is loyal, loving and generous. A school teacher by profession she is one of those teachers that parents love because they know she teaches because she longs to educate. For children she is the teacher they remember fondly as they look back on their school days.
For me she's my friend who just happens to be my sister. Suprisingly though she hasn't changed at all, she's always been this amazing girl/woman but I had to change my perspective to truly appreciate her.
Sometimes you need to tip your world off its' axis to gain a fresh perspective. Sometimes it isn't them it's you.
Growing up my sister and I had a fairly adversarial relationship, in fact her first day home from hospital I bit her. Not exactly a kodak family moment but that pretty much set the tone for the next few decades. We are very much the opposite ends of the family gene pool, she is as cautious as I am reckless, she is unthinkingly giving whilst I am a closed book, she was the good daughter whilst I was the wild child, I left home at 17 whilst she still goes home for holidays. I think it's fair that our relationship was a duty one and we had very little to do with each other voluntarily once we became adults.
In hindsight she did try and reach out to me when my train wreck of a marriage ended but I was too emotionally exhausted to even realise. We floated along for the next few years and then when the midgets were born we started to tentatively explore a relationship as adults. It smouldered until we both got on Facebook. Funnily enough we could keep in contact a lot more easily and we both got a sense of who the other was and I have to say that I have done her a serious disservice for all these years because as a person she's pretty spectacular.
The very things that annoyed me as we were growing up are the qualities I now admire in her. She is loyal, loving and generous. A school teacher by profession she is one of those teachers that parents love because they know she teaches because she longs to educate. For children she is the teacher they remember fondly as they look back on their school days.
For me she's my friend who just happens to be my sister. Suprisingly though she hasn't changed at all, she's always been this amazing girl/woman but I had to change my perspective to truly appreciate her.
Sometimes you need to tip your world off its' axis to gain a fresh perspective. Sometimes it isn't them it's you.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
When Christmas is Over
I have to begin by stating that I love the Christmas holidays. By nature I'm a giver. I love choosing gifts that will reflect the recipient, the anticipation of how they will view said gift, the detail that goes into the presentation, putting up the Christmas Tree, singing Christsmas Carols, rumballs but as I grow older Christmas makes me sadder.
Why do we only go to this much trouble once a year. Why do we feel compelled to acknowlege people that aren't present in our lives on a regular basis, we gorge ourselves at our tables yet everywhere around us there is loneliness, hunger and emptiness. I truly love the spirit of generosity that colours the atmosphere at this time of year but why do we stop there?
This year I'm not sending Christmas cards, doing Christmas baking or buying gifts for people that I feel obligated to, this year I'm giving to someone who is worth more than an empty gesture made through duty. I am truly blessed in my life, I have a roof over my head, ample food on my table, my bills are paid, I am employed and most importantly I am loved.
My Christmas Gift is an education, an opportunity for a child to fulfill their potential and a chance to break a cycle that is so easy to fall into but almost impossible to break alone.
My goal between now and next Christmas is to live each month as if it were Christmas, true Christmas not the Retailers Association construct. To surround myself and invest myself in people who enrich me and who in turn I can contribute. To give without expectation of reward or praise. To treat people with compassion and respect and to enjoy every day for what it is and turn them into what they can be.
Why do we only go to this much trouble once a year. Why do we feel compelled to acknowlege people that aren't present in our lives on a regular basis, we gorge ourselves at our tables yet everywhere around us there is loneliness, hunger and emptiness. I truly love the spirit of generosity that colours the atmosphere at this time of year but why do we stop there?
This year I'm not sending Christmas cards, doing Christmas baking or buying gifts for people that I feel obligated to, this year I'm giving to someone who is worth more than an empty gesture made through duty. I am truly blessed in my life, I have a roof over my head, ample food on my table, my bills are paid, I am employed and most importantly I am loved.
My Christmas Gift is an education, an opportunity for a child to fulfill their potential and a chance to break a cycle that is so easy to fall into but almost impossible to break alone.
My goal between now and next Christmas is to live each month as if it were Christmas, true Christmas not the Retailers Association construct. To surround myself and invest myself in people who enrich me and who in turn I can contribute. To give without expectation of reward or praise. To treat people with compassion and respect and to enjoy every day for what it is and turn them into what they can be.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
How Wide Is The Gap?
It is said that reality is simply a matter of perception. One of the things I struggle greatly with is how I view myself and in comparison how others view me. I would imagine by now you've got the idea of where I might rank myself when it comes to value as a human being but I am challenged when others see good in me. To be brutally honest if someone pays me a compliment in my head that little voice is telling me that they don't mean it that they are just taking pity on me and trying to make me feel better.
Compliments make me uncomfortable, acknowlegement of my achievements make me want to run and hide but I'm learning that when people compliment me, I will smile and say thank you and take it for what it is, an acknowlegement of someone elses' vision of me.
How do you see yourself? Does it differ greatly from the way the world sees you? How do you bridge that gap?
Compliments make me uncomfortable, acknowlegement of my achievements make me want to run and hide but I'm learning that when people compliment me, I will smile and say thank you and take it for what it is, an acknowlegement of someone elses' vision of me.
How do you see yourself? Does it differ greatly from the way the world sees you? How do you bridge that gap?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The Secret Life of Me
In my head I had a vision of how my life was supposed to be and as I lost my way I saw others living my life and experienced envy. I was so envious that they could achieve what I could only imagine and so continued the vicious circle of hatred and hope.
About a week ago I had a conversation with my Mum and for the first time actually shared some of my inner demons with her. I was rewarded not only with her understanding but information that sheds some light on how I got to where I am.
I also decided that envy energy was simply misspent and I would be better served trying to live the life I imagined instead of simply imagining it.
I have to say in living colour is definitely all it is cracked up to be. Even with the rain falling and the skies grey that rainbow I'm painting shines brightly through the sky.
About a week ago I had a conversation with my Mum and for the first time actually shared some of my inner demons with her. I was rewarded not only with her understanding but information that sheds some light on how I got to where I am.
I also decided that envy energy was simply misspent and I would be better served trying to live the life I imagined instead of simply imagining it.
I have to say in living colour is definitely all it is cracked up to be. Even with the rain falling and the skies grey that rainbow I'm painting shines brightly through the sky.
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